Hello everyone,
Thankyou so much, for being among the first to join me in my journey as I stumble and sometimes down-right fall (as I'm sure some of you do) through these unsure years in my life. Here I am 48 and I thought I had it all figured out - thought I had plenty of time to get my act together after the kids were old enough for me to focus on me - wrong! I mean, we all strive for money, health, creativity, success, self-worth and accomplishment... ya da ya da ya da.... but isn't 'Peace of mind' (or inner peace) right there on the top of the heap? I mean wouldn't 'Peace-of-mind' pretty much umbrella everything else and if it didn't then it didn't matter in the first place? Right? Why do I keep telling myself this, but yet don't know how to get there? How do I create satisfaction with what I have NOW and what I do NOW? I've heard over and over again, that THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING is a daily exercise that we should all be practicing yet, I have yet to see its power (although it has dropped in now and again - tho in small amounts!)
Why do I constantly disappoint myself because I haven't achieved my goals? What exactly are my goals? I'm not sure. I just know (or at least I think I know) it involves creating a successful business which will allow me to use my 'God-given talents', - my artistic abilities, thus giving me a sense of pride and accomplishment. It all sounds so good and reminds me of when I was a little girl and was sure I would be an actress one day. I remember, when I was 12, I had begged my parents to sign me up for acting lessons and when I arrived at my local theatre for the Saturday morning session, I was so terrified to get on stage, let-alone speak!!! I was more interested in the beautiful costumes and wigs on display, in the back dressing rooms. An actress I would not be.
Anyway, as I mentioned I have been blessed with a talent that I seem to constantly take for granted. Don't get me wrong, I'm so appreciateve - but find I have a hard time focussing on one project. My mind spins with ideas and inspirational visions. I play guitar (although not great) I have written songs and children's picture books. I have illustrated a few pages from those children books and I have been designing and writing my own greeting cards - great, have I done anything with them? No!!! Have I pushed forward and tried to investigate the market and how I can turn my 'gifts' into a career? I'd love to be able to say its 'something I love to do' but quite honestly, there's so much pressure to be creative and to use these talents that I don't know which end is up or which way to venture. I know I sould completely confused and that's because I am!!!. It really won't take much to make a change for the better in our financial house hold, But above 'getting by' it would be nice to enjoy the odd family vacation or re-decorate parts of the house. I guess we do have enough, but it is just enough that it is not enough to live stress-free.
Why is it that I get these brilliantly creative ideas and yet, I can't seem to push forward with them. I lose focus and I start to doubt my abilities. I also become overwhelmed with which step to take next. If I had someone giving me direction, I'd be doing great on the creative end. Does anyone else feel this way about making your dreams become a reality? How do others make something huge out of nothing when I (like others) can't make a little something out of something? I don't mean to sound like a page out of a Dr. Seuss book, but it does make sense.
I was a teenager during the 70's and well everything seemed so simple back then - you went to school (except for the odd skip), you hung out with your friends and listened to the latest LP on your record player. When you graduated from High School, there were two options - A) go to college/University and... B) GET A JOB! Why is it then, that kids today (I have three boys - 21, 19 and 16) graduate from school with no sense of urgency to get the full-time job or to go to school. Why do kids expect so much, these days and often grumble when asked to help out? We knew what chores were expected of us - we didn't wait to be told or asked, we just did them because that was the way it was. Why do kids, today, insist that its the end of the world if you ask them to take out the garbage and recycling or to do the dishes? Or in my case I get one brother trying to pawn it on to the next one which usually starts an argument of some sort. Most times we do it ourselves because, quite frankly, we'd rather spare the argument.
The cost of living - now there's another thing. Everything keeps going up, but salaries are levelling - how does that work? I work part time in retail and well, minimum wage just doesn't cut it. An hours work, may buy me a bag or milk, bread and maybe a bag of Nachos or chips for the kids. How can that be? Feeding our three boys is a huge expense. All three boys love cereal and well, we must go through 3 bags of milk a week (which means 9 single bags.) How are we supposed to do it? How do single parents do it? My heart goes out to all of you.
Anyway, there is so much to talk about and to explore while venturing out on this journey. I hope you'll be joining me from time-to-time. I hope to inspire and enlighten you. I hope you can do the same fo rme.
Bye for now, friends.....
Beverley
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